Dear Mr. Irvin, May I Have A Word?

Mr. Irvin: "You blew off the Meet the Teacher"

Parent: "I have three kids and ride the bus. How about a Meet the Teacher at a local park... and not on a weeknight."

Irvin: "You skipped the parent-teacher conference."

Parent: "Please re-read my last comment... and remember that the conference is in the middle of dinner."

Irvin: "You said no to the PTO."

Parent: "You clearly aren't hearing me..."

Irvin: "You've never seen your child's classroom."

Parent: "True. You're right. I can, and should, do more... much more. But honestly, school scares me. Your post scares me. Growing up, school was nothing but failure, pain, and shame... and that is exactly what I feel when I come to your campus."

Irvin: "But you want parental control."

Parent: "Yes I do. And you WANT me to maintain control because, if I don't, you will continue to be asked to fix problems that can only be fixed at home."

Irvin: "You might want to try parental involvement first."

Parent: "I am trying... I REALLY am. But remember that 'parental involvement' is not just what you see at school. It is a 24/7/365 deal. And, for the vast majority of that time, I feel utterly exhausted, hopeless, alone, and afraid for my child."

Me to Irvin: "There is NO ONE ON EARTH who believes more in the centrality of the parental role. But having worked as a parent engagement coach for over a decade, 'parent shaming' does nothing to help. It only widens the divide between the two most important people in a child's life -- their teachers and their parent."

What word of encouragement might we say to parents instead?

Let me know in the comments.